Street lights

what happens when you look far away
into empty streets
where do your eyes take you
or do you feel blinded
by the street lights
staring at you

do they guide you
or it's a sign
you are lost
maybe you should turn back

but the lights behind went off
and it started to rain so
you keep walking
hoping to see
the end you
always imagined
but never happened

maybe there's no end
and you are gonna disappear
in the dark
drenched in the rain
or you'll find yourself
reappear

I reside in two places

Sometimes, I find myself in my hometown,

growing up with other kids,

trying to fight stigmas

I always believed I am here to change. 

Other times, I am in my new home, striving to create a new life

I forget I have to change

different things in this new place

I can let myself have some things

but others, I have to fight for

Growing up, I had to fight

for being a woman,

fight for other women

Suddenly I am in this chaos

where I have to fight for being colored

and speaking with an accent

Where did these boundaries come from?

Not sure if I am trying to find my place

Or a war just found me,

demanding attention

It is hard to get away from it

I am the same person

doing the same things I would

back home

Same old habits

Same old me

But now the home has multiple definitions

I am free in both places

It just took me a while

To find my place here

To find me again

Who was lost among the boundaries

that separate us based on our color, accents, and roots

My roots have grown me

into the person I am

My leaves have been searching for air 

it is fed

When I am sought after 

for the person I am

Rather than the differences

Blending into one giant tree

Satiated and contended

Inside the chamber

Open the door
Enter
One step at a time
Shhhh
Nobody should hear you
It is quiet.
You see another door
So open it too
But everyone can see you
They know what you are doing
Yet unwilling to admit
Stubborn as a rock
Your conscience speaks
You don't belong here

Take a step
next thing you know
You are falling in
You don't know which way is down
You landed somewhere
Everyone can still see you
Yet unwilling to admit
Stubborn as a rock
Your conscience speaks
You don't belong here

But now you have the doors open
You don't know which way
to push or pull
is up or down
You still walk
One step at a time
Shhhh
no one should hear you
Your demons can see you
But you are safe here
This is you

The curve of my lips does not tell you anything

I cry a million tears when I am happy,
overwhelmed
a little crazy too
I can feel the emotion trying to exit my body
In the form of fireworks

I am bathing in the moments I want to preserve forever
The smell of Vanilla enters my senses
just like the garden, I enter
to touch the flowers,
I feel it more
feel every moment
like it will be my last
I am not smiling as I walk across the hallway
I feel the air hit my hair
I am the happiest I have ever been
The curve of my lips
Does not speak millions

I was crying the other day
without shedding tears
forcing myself to smile at people
trying to cover up my inner fear
fear of being exposed
I smiled more than I had ever

We spend too much time seeking happiness
Forget how difficult times lead us to something greater
But not every smile is genuine
and we can be great at hiding our emotions
inside a box away from everyone

Sunset

Peeking through the clouds

How beautiful is the walk you do

Rushing to the other side

Always thought Good Byes are sad

with tears falling out 

But I know you will rise again tomorrow morning 

Like the breakfast I will always look forward to

Your goodbye was graceful

You were shining

Walking away as if you own the future,

Stronger than the dark which is taking over

Beauty in the world

The sun will rise from the same place as yesterday

The ocean will run towards the moon everyday

I wonder if the beauty in the world thinks it is boring

Or does it ever cry itself to sleep

Just like the rest of us

Who always deny their own 

Sis is the new Bro

On the verge of lighting up my womanhood rose like a flame "Nah bro, you're cool" he said "Excuse me, call me sister instead" I snapped But apparently sisterhood is not as cool and is just not comfortable to be mentioned in a group of friends as it will rip people's masculinity apart Faster than a gym bro coming at you to fix your form Well, it depends on preferences as well You see, my sisters would prefer to be called 'BROS' to feel cooler like a human instead of a hot object ready to be eaten up by this patriarchy Call me for what I am, A Woman strong and myself. I don't have to be a guy to be respected or taken seriously Call me a Sister instead not because I am insecure about my femininity but because it is pretty cool to be a Woman Strong and down to earth chill and everything when I called you Sis, you felt degraded and your masculinity was stripped down But let me tell you, My sisters are much cooler and stronger than any BRO around

Neighbors

My right door neighbor is afraid of dark
It pulls him in like a black hole
My left door neighbor is a free soul
And he laughs at the world like the future never existed

I sit in my chair Waiting
for the clock to pass 12
As darkness creeps into the shadows
My right door neighbor never heard me cry
He heard my laughter Trailing
through the despairs I do not want to recall
My left door neighbor never saw me leave my house
“You cry a lot” he said

I sit in the chair waiting for it
to be midnight Crying
in my chair, waiting for the laughter
to kick in
Like the drug I wanted to try I am
addicted
My future reckons me

As my neighbors leave for their work next morning
My left door neighbor never saw me anyway
My right door neighbor never heard me anyway

Paper boats

When I was young,
I used to love rain
I could feel the raindrops crashing my face
Like the tears of joy
Nothing ever made me happier

I left a paper boat once
With a memory I wanted to forget
I thought the puddle was big enough for my small hands
And as I grew up, I grew into the idea
Until I had left all my memories in the paper boats I never wanted to see again

I grew into my future
I wanted to travel thousand miles
Without a break
I wanted to go across the giant puddle and see what's on the other side
I wanted to touch the sky on the other side
But how did I oversee
I started receiving my paper boats I left years back
They were heavier now
With all the memories I tried to suppress in
The weight of the boats made the puddle look fuller
Now that I feel the paper boats
I can still see the moments
Gone by which felt like infinite days
Dragging me with them

I saw a girl

The girl I am following is right there

I believe I have a crush on her

She is there hard to love 

Smiles with a curl and a twirl on her inside 

Hair like a desert 

Too coarse on the outside and barren on the inside

I look into her eyes and see a poem

Promising but hiding under her eyes

Her eyes are shouting

But I see fire

Burning up

It is about to blow someone up

It is going to let her blow herself

This is hard

This is difficult 

I ask her what is her favorite book

She turns around and starts walking

She is a story made of thrillers and disaster

She is a book full of disasters

I follow her to the elevator and see her put her foot in

She takes a step back

This is a wind flowing from her face like the Sahara desert which taking the precious ashes away from her soul

Which the fire left

The logs of wood are trying to get out

The eyes are still white 

I see fire

I do not know where it comes from

I see music 

Never had I seen it before

I see the rhythm 

I take a step forward not knowing where I am headed

I try to touch her she disappears

I see ashes 

I feel the ashes

I look at myself in the mirror in the elevator,

I see fire

I am the fire

I see her rising inside me like the flames turning bright with every flicker in their body

I see her I see her strong and bright like she is unafraid of life

And someone I wanted to be

But she was in me all along

Insecurities

Part 1: To my insecurities

It is painful how sensitive you are

You tremble under the slightest disturbance

Like a mimosa plant hiding itself from the hurt

For some guy who could pull just the right book

So that the book shelf could fall apart

It is tiring and exhausting

Trying to clean away your tears

Your mess every time you cry

Running behind you getting you

Inside the shed again

I am tired

It is embarrassing how offended you are

By everything that doesn’t exist

Like that one time you decided to break down

When you a saw a skinny supermodel

Or the time you heard the word rape

And you panicked

Like you are in the middle of the ocean

And a wave was going to eat you in?

It is tiring

How many times I have to run behind you

In the middle of the night

In a forest with you on fire

About to take the whole forest down

Like the strongest flame in the world

Trying to get larger with every breath

Part 2: My insecurities talking out loud

My memories

As bright as oil pastels

Vivid but put together

But still as pictures

I point to the edge of my shirt

Stained with yesterday

Darker than the others

Crawling through my mind

Drop by drop

Deep inside the quicksand

Hold my hand I am drowning in

It is difficult to get out 

Of this thought 

I am freaking out

I am pulling myself

Inside the ground

I cannot move my toe

Some day I will wither away with the drifting sand on the beach

And it will be unheard among the breeze and water too loud

And indifferent to my whines

You put me down just by triggering me

You don’t even have to say the sentence

Just say the first word and I am gone

With the fire that was burning bright and lost in the flames

Which are indifferent to my plights

You are so indifferent to my world

I stay here being taken as a joke

I try so hard to not be offended by you

But this is hard and stabs me in the places

So wrong, I feel I deserve them

Part 3: To someone who took my insecurities as a joke

My steps kicked the dust out of my way when I was walking with you

Thought I could suppress my eyes if I fooled myself

I would imagine getting the stars to the ground with you around

But my insides could not stop crying anymore

I wanted my insides to stay in the deepest of the insides of my soul

Wrapped together in a blanket of my grief

Stitched with a scar

I tried holding my breath as the stitch wasn't just right and it wanted to break off

But a burst of fire followed by darkness

Led me in the solitude I always needed

I saw My face which a scar hid inside the layers of my insecurities

 and you will never see the stitches

I am tired of trying to look over everything

Trying to assume, you still like me

Hurt is just a form of love anyway

I have been burning my tongue all this while 

So that you can notice me

But you always denied the existence of my tongue

You never saw beyond the sugarcoat all over my body

But I won't let my tongue burn anymore

With your lighter

I am here for the thoughts mightier

Than the judgments

And my gut stronger than just an offense

When a woman will roar

The moment you see light at the end of tunnel

And must walk all by yourself

When you don’t have a hand to hold

You will lead yourself to the rainbow of gold

and thousand shades of glitter you have never seen before

Do not be scared to walk alone

While you were growing up,

You might have heard

'Women are bad with directions',

'Girls cannot drive',

or 'Girls are bad leaders'

People will tell you

'Being alone is difficult',

'You need someone'

Let them talk

The moment you see yourself in the mirror

And see thoughts and beads of confidence

Rolling down your arm and you try to catch them

and you will lose track or

When you hear your own voice and

Hear the strength holding down

Years of struggle and tears

and lights.

You will hear a roar

The roar is loud enough for the people to hear

When you will open your mouth to speak

Inside the the dark tunnel,

People might not notice you

But you will be heard

Your voice will echo through the millions

Of pores in the walls

And will wake up the sleeping beings and fairies

Your roar will be heard

With every step, you take,

The air particles will vibrate

Shaking the ones next to them

Talking to the wind while whispering

a rumor the world hasn’t heard in a while

Your steps will be stronger than

Stereotypes, metaphors, and body types

You will realize, you are more than

Society, rules, and limitations

When you will call for yourself,

You will hear back from million galaxies

And discover the unexplored parts of you

Do not be afraid to scream

When you will walk down the aisle

And realize your own hand

Can be trusted more than others

You will revive

You will roar and shake the world

The only time you will realize how powerful you are

Is when you are by yourself

You are stronger

than concrete and glue

Do not be scared to be alone

You were never a space to be filled

Nor a piece to someone’s incomplete puzzle

You are a voice who can shake

The core of the earth

Your roar will be heard

Under a million layers

You never thought the wound

Was supposed to let itself show,

It was not supposed to take in air

Or tell the world that it exists

It was hidden among the million lies

While it had a million reasons to not speak up

The wound hid

for a million years

under the million layers of you

The unfathomable but invisible pain

Can strike you inside your heart

You know, there’s always something changing in the world

Some changes are good, some are not,

Among these changes, the wound forgets its importance

The world told it, it is not important

But instead of feeding it air to breath in,

You put salt over it

You amplified your own pain to match the world’s

But there’s so much pain in this world, you will never be able to match

This is not a competition, this is you

Your pain is your story and not a participant in some race

Just because you are different

Just because your pain is different

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter

Your voice was not meant to cry itself to sleep at night

Your voice was born to be heard

Your voice is the sword that can

Tear through borders and centuries of injustice

When I tried doing it, I reached the other end of the galaxy

And received a lullaby back

But instead of letting it put myself to sleep

I let myself ease the tension in my skin and let my wound show

Believe me, it was always supposed to be shown

The sixteen year old

Mirror breaks and crashes to the reflection of her

In front of her eyes, with a loud crackling sound

Everything turns loud for her

These flashy lights, shiny noise and brazen words

"I don’t want no mirror anymore", she says.

"It has shrunk my reflection in my own eyes

Day after day, moment after moment

And every negative thought the world has feed in"

"What is wrong with me?" she asks

When a young teenage girl stops eating,

It is concerning.

After years of mockery for being a body type

Not flattering to men,

She decided to shrink herself to a size of a tear drop

Dropping its way to the earth and burying itself

Inside the layers of soil where people cannot see past her skinny face

Every mirror cracks to the high frequency voice inaudible to humans

Of a teenager everyday shrinking her body and mind to fit

Herself in front of male gaze

“I am no one if boys don’t like me” she says

“Without a man, you are just not complete”, the society tells her

Because, every thought she has, puts her in competition

With her lovely female friends

Because when a teenager stops eating, it is concerning

When a kid stops growing past the views of the society

And inhibits the span of its dreams, it is concerning

What is wrong with me she asks?

Because people barely looked past her body type

and the buried skinny face

The Gold

Beauty is not in the pain, Beauty is in the strength. 

Strength to get over the pain

Beauty is in the extra moment you think about someone

More than you are supposed to.

Beauty is in love,

love that is around you that you can grab by your fist 

and it leaves a chilling sensation on your palm, 

the feeling so beautiful it makes your heart cry.

Beauty is not in your tears. Beauty is in your cry that tells you not to cry again.

Beauty is in the self-reflection.

Beauty is you thinking for yourself, feeling for yourself. Self-realization.

Beauty is in determination, passion for your dreams, in your soul.

Beauty is in pain, the pain you experience to take a step further. 

The last call your heart makes to stay longer. The strength that tells you to endure.

Beauty is in endurance. 

Beauty is in soul that can think, who is ready to get into the steps, experience feeling someone else’s feet as theirs. Feeling someone else’s ears as theirs, listening through them. 

Feeling through some else without touching them physically.

Beauty is in patience. Patience to see the sun rise. Patience to see your heart rise up. Patience in watching someone else prosper. Patience in people and trust in the time. Trust in yourself and independence.

Beauty is in gold. Gold that you find in yourself struggling through the mines around you.

Wave after wave

Ocean waves hit my soul, 

starting from the sandy toes,

to the stressed out salty brain.

Sandy sand drowns in itself, 

layers after layers and drop by drop

The breeze smells of life

The breeze feels like the horizon 

The breeze sounds like peace and infinite dreams

Ocean hits me with life, wave after wave

Sandy sand with life, wave after wave

I breathe. I take a deep breath 

and feel the oxygen in my chest 

with a chilling sensation inside my lungs.

I breathe. 

I forget the last time I couldn't breathe. 

I forget the last person I hated. 

I forget the last person I did not love. 

I forget my tribulations. 

I feel the noise inside me 

as the breeze passes me hitting the seagulls flying by. 

I breathe. 

I feel the smell of breeze 

as it brings me the fresh drops from the palm trees. 

The fresh palm trees stand still, 

waiting for the breeze to never stop.

The strength in your pain

The pain,

The pain stabs the heart,

No strings attached,

Just world apart

The pain,

If not a weak wailing cry

It’s the pain of burden

Heavier than you can ever feel

The pain.

It leaves you shut out and aloof

But strength has no vicinity

Strength needs no whining

It is inside you,

The strength is less about the devil

and more about you

Your war is about you

About what you feel is right

About what you feel is true

The aftermath pain is always described

But strength is left to be spoken about

If the strength and support overshadow the pain

The representation can be about the truth

Rather than blaming and stigmas

Thousand sparks of rebellion

The sparks of rebellion are mediocre for the stale eyes

but start flashing the light once the flame gets bright

the oppressing, dull tyranny will try to put out the flame

but it will have surpassed and spread to miles

flames are strong and impossible to put off

revolution will be inevitable

Even if someone closes the pot too tight

the pressure finds its way out

either from gaps or throwing out the lid

or breaking the pot altogether

this vapor is strong and impossible to be oppressed

and revolution will be inevitable

Thousand years of oppression ,

thousand years of grief

will give rise to thousand sparks of rebellion

It can revolutionize humanity

Because strangled ideas have to escape the tyranny

and revolution will  be inevitable

Tagged as

A perpetual label stuck on your face

Traps your body behind callous cells

This painful trap hurts you inside

But your pain is too intricate to evaluate

The label tries to get to your knees,

Slows you down and mutilates your feet

Disabled you cannot shift through the space,

Cells get stronger with every move you make

The other face of the cell seems impossible to reach,

When you are ‘unworthy’ and in some severe pain

The warden laughs hysterically at your face

He sees the label and calls you name

The label is apparently too large to not notice

It is capitalized, made bold and underlined

He goes on further to wipe your ways

And will make sure you remain impaired for days

You may cry but it’d be inaudible

So others may not even hear your hollers

The label is the one to be blamed

It lingers as a barrier between you and the world