Street lights

what happens when you look far away
into empty streets
where do your eyes take you
or do you feel blinded
by the street lights
staring at you

do they guide you
or it's a sign
you are lost
maybe you should turn back

but the lights behind went off
and it started to rain so
you keep walking
hoping to see
the end you
always imagined
but never happened

maybe there's no end
and you are gonna disappear
in the dark
drenched in the rain
or you'll find yourself
reappear

I reside in two places

Sometimes, I find myself in my hometown,

growing up with other kids,

trying to fight stigmas

I always believed I am here to change. 

Other times, I am in my new home, striving to create a new life

I forget I have to change

different things in this new place

I can let myself have some things

but others, I have to fight for

Growing up, I had to fight

for being a woman,

fight for other women

Suddenly I am in this chaos

where I have to fight for being colored

and speaking with an accent

Where did these boundaries come from?

Not sure if I am trying to find my place

Or a war just found me,

demanding attention

It is hard to get away from it

I am the same person

doing the same things I would

back home

Same old habits

Same old me

But now the home has multiple definitions

I am free in both places

It just took me a while

To find my place here

To find me again

Who was lost among the boundaries

that separate us based on our color, accents, and roots

My roots have grown me

into the person I am

My leaves have been searching for air 

it is fed

When I am sought after 

for the person I am

Rather than the differences

Blending into one giant tree

Satiated and contended

Inside the chamber

Open the door
Enter
One step at a time
Shhhh
Nobody should hear you
It is quiet.
You see another door
So open it too
But everyone can see you
They know what you are doing
Yet unwilling to admit
Stubborn as a rock
Your conscience speaks
You don't belong here

Take a step
next thing you know
You are falling in
You don't know which way is down
You landed somewhere
Everyone can still see you
Yet unwilling to admit
Stubborn as a rock
Your conscience speaks
You don't belong here

But now you have the doors open
You don't know which way
to push or pull
is up or down
You still walk
One step at a time
Shhhh
no one should hear you
Your demons can see you
But you are safe here
This is you

The curve of my lips does not tell you anything

I cry a million tears when I am happy,
overwhelmed
a little crazy too
I can feel the emotion trying to exit my body
In the form of fireworks

I am bathing in the moments I want to preserve forever
The smell of Vanilla enters my senses
just like the garden, I enter
to touch the flowers,
I feel it more
feel every moment
like it will be my last
I am not smiling as I walk across the hallway
I feel the air hit my hair
I am the happiest I have ever been
The curve of my lips
Does not speak millions

I was crying the other day
without shedding tears
forcing myself to smile at people
trying to cover up my inner fear
fear of being exposed
I smiled more than I had ever

We spend too much time seeking happiness
Forget how difficult times lead us to something greater
But not every smile is genuine
and we can be great at hiding our emotions
inside a box away from everyone

Sunset

Peeking through the clouds

How beautiful is the walk you do

Rushing to the other side

Always thought Good Byes are sad

with tears falling out 

But I know you will rise again tomorrow morning 

Like the breakfast I will always look forward to

Your goodbye was graceful

You were shining

Walking away as if you own the future,

Stronger than the dark which is taking over

Sis is the new Bro

On the verge of lighting up my womanhood rose like a flame "Nah bro, you're cool" he said "Excuse me, call me sister instead" I snapped But apparently sisterhood is not as cool and is just not comfortable to be mentioned in a group of friends as it will rip people's masculinity apart Faster than a gym bro coming at you to fix your form Well, it depends on preferences as well You see, my sisters would prefer to be called 'BROS' to feel cooler like a human instead of a hot object ready to be eaten up by this patriarchy Call me for what I am, A Woman strong and myself. I don't have to be a guy to be respected or taken seriously Call me a Sister instead not because I am insecure about my femininity but because it is pretty cool to be a Woman Strong and down to earth chill and everything when I called you Sis, you felt degraded and your masculinity was stripped down But let me tell you, My sisters are much cooler and stronger than any BRO around

I saw a girl

The girl I am following is right there

I believe I have a crush on her

She is there hard to love 

Smiles with a curl and a twirl on her inside 

Hair like a desert 

Too coarse on the outside and barren on the inside

I look into her eyes and see a poem

Promising but hiding under her eyes

Her eyes are shouting

But I see fire

Burning up

It is about to blow someone up

It is going to let her blow herself

This is hard

This is difficult 

I ask her what is her favorite book

She turns around and starts walking

She is a story made of thrillers and disaster

She is a book full of disasters

I follow her to the elevator and see her put her foot in

She takes a step back

This is a wind flowing from her face like the Sahara desert which taking the precious ashes away from her soul

Which the fire left

The logs of wood are trying to get out

The eyes are still white 

I see fire

I do not know where it comes from

I see music 

Never had I seen it before

I see the rhythm 

I take a step forward not knowing where I am headed

I try to touch her she disappears

I see ashes 

I feel the ashes

I look at myself in the mirror in the elevator,

I see fire

I am the fire

I see her rising inside me like the flames turning bright with every flicker in their body

I see her I see her strong and bright like she is unafraid of life

And someone I wanted to be

But she was in me all along

Insecurities

Part 1: To my insecurities

It is painful how sensitive you are

You tremble under the slightest disturbance

Like a mimosa plant hiding itself from the hurt

For some guy who could pull just the right book

So that the book shelf could fall apart

It is tiring and exhausting

Trying to clean away your tears

Your mess every time you cry

Running behind you getting you

Inside the shed again

I am tired

It is embarrassing how offended you are

By everything that doesn’t exist

Like that one time you decided to break down

When you a saw a skinny supermodel

Or the time you heard the word rape

And you panicked

Like you are in the middle of the ocean

And a wave was going to eat you in?

It is tiring

How many times I have to run behind you

In the middle of the night

In a forest with you on fire

About to take the whole forest down

Like the strongest flame in the world

Trying to get larger with every breath

Part 2: My insecurities talking out loud

My memories

As bright as oil pastels

Vivid but put together

But still as pictures

I point to the edge of my shirt

Stained with yesterday

Darker than the others

Crawling through my mind

Drop by drop

Deep inside the quicksand

Hold my hand I am drowning in

It is difficult to get out 

Of this thought 

I am freaking out

I am pulling myself

Inside the ground

I cannot move my toe

Some day I will wither away with the drifting sand on the beach

And it will be unheard among the breeze and water too loud

And indifferent to my whines

You put me down just by triggering me

You don’t even have to say the sentence

Just say the first word and I am gone

With the fire that was burning bright and lost in the flames

Which are indifferent to my plights

You are so indifferent to my world

I stay here being taken as a joke

I try so hard to not be offended by you

But this is hard and stabs me in the places

So wrong, I feel I deserve them

Part 3: To someone who took my insecurities as a joke

My steps kicked the dust out of my way when I was walking with you

Thought I could suppress my eyes if I fooled myself

I would imagine getting the stars to the ground with you around

But my insides could not stop crying anymore

I wanted my insides to stay in the deepest of the insides of my soul

Wrapped together in a blanket of my grief

Stitched with a scar

I tried holding my breath as the stitch wasn't just right and it wanted to break off

But a burst of fire followed by darkness

Led me in the solitude I always needed

I saw My face which a scar hid inside the layers of my insecurities

 and you will never see the stitches

I am tired of trying to look over everything

Trying to assume, you still like me

Hurt is just a form of love anyway

I have been burning my tongue all this while 

So that you can notice me

But you always denied the existence of my tongue

You never saw beyond the sugarcoat all over my body

But I won't let my tongue burn anymore

With your lighter

I am here for the thoughts mightier

Than the judgments

And my gut stronger than just an offense

When a woman will roar

The moment you see light at the end of tunnel

And must walk all by yourself

When you don’t have a hand to hold

You will lead yourself to the rainbow of gold

and thousand shades of glitter you have never seen before

Do not be scared to walk alone

While you were growing up,

You might have heard

'Women are bad with directions',

'Girls cannot drive',

or 'Girls are bad leaders'

People will tell you

'Being alone is difficult',

'You need someone'

Let them talk

The moment you see yourself in the mirror

And see thoughts and beads of confidence

Rolling down your arm and you try to catch them

and you will lose track or

When you hear your own voice and

Hear the strength holding down

Years of struggle and tears

and lights.

You will hear a roar

The roar is loud enough for the people to hear

When you will open your mouth to speak

Inside the the dark tunnel,

People might not notice you

But you will be heard

Your voice will echo through the millions

Of pores in the walls

And will wake up the sleeping beings and fairies

Your roar will be heard

With every step, you take,

The air particles will vibrate

Shaking the ones next to them

Talking to the wind while whispering

a rumor the world hasn’t heard in a while

Your steps will be stronger than

Stereotypes, metaphors, and body types

You will realize, you are more than

Society, rules, and limitations

When you will call for yourself,

You will hear back from million galaxies

And discover the unexplored parts of you

Do not be afraid to scream

When you will walk down the aisle

And realize your own hand

Can be trusted more than others

You will revive

You will roar and shake the world

The only time you will realize how powerful you are

Is when you are by yourself

You are stronger

than concrete and glue

Do not be scared to be alone

You were never a space to be filled

Nor a piece to someone’s incomplete puzzle

You are a voice who can shake

The core of the earth

Your roar will be heard

Under a million layers

You never thought the wound

Was supposed to let itself show,

It was not supposed to take in air

Or tell the world that it exists

It was hidden among the million lies

While it had a million reasons to not speak up

The wound hid

for a million years

under the million layers of you

The unfathomable but invisible pain

Can strike you inside your heart

You know, there’s always something changing in the world

Some changes are good, some are not,

Among these changes, the wound forgets its importance

The world told it, it is not important

But instead of feeding it air to breath in,

You put salt over it

You amplified your own pain to match the world’s

But there’s so much pain in this world, you will never be able to match

This is not a competition, this is you

Your pain is your story and not a participant in some race

Just because you are different

Just because your pain is different

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter

Your voice was not meant to cry itself to sleep at night

Your voice was born to be heard

Your voice is the sword that can

Tear through borders and centuries of injustice

When I tried doing it, I reached the other end of the galaxy

And received a lullaby back

But instead of letting it put myself to sleep

I let myself ease the tension in my skin and let my wound show

Believe me, it was always supposed to be shown

The sixteen year old

Mirror breaks and crashes to the reflection of her

In front of her eyes, with a loud crackling sound

Everything turns loud for her

These flashy lights, shiny noise and brazen words

"I don’t want no mirror anymore", she says.

"It has shrunk my reflection in my own eyes

Day after day, moment after moment

And every negative thought the world has feed in"

"What is wrong with me?" she asks

When a young teenage girl stops eating,

It is concerning.

After years of mockery for being a body type

Not flattering to men,

She decided to shrink herself to a size of a tear drop

Dropping its way to the earth and burying itself

Inside the layers of soil where people cannot see past her skinny face

Every mirror cracks to the high frequency voice inaudible to humans

Of a teenager everyday shrinking her body and mind to fit

Herself in front of male gaze

“I am no one if boys don’t like me” she says

“Without a man, you are just not complete”, the society tells her

Because, every thought she has, puts her in competition

With her lovely female friends

Because when a teenager stops eating, it is concerning

When a kid stops growing past the views of the society

And inhibits the span of its dreams, it is concerning

What is wrong with me she asks?

Because people barely looked past her body type

and the buried skinny face

The strength in your pain

The pain,

The pain stabs the heart,

No strings attached,

Just world apart

The pain,

If not a weak wailing cry

It’s the pain of burden

Heavier than you can ever feel

The pain.

It leaves you shut out and aloof

But strength has no vicinity

Strength needs no whining

It is inside you,

The strength is less about the devil

and more about you

Your war is about you

About what you feel is right

About what you feel is true

The aftermath pain is always described

But strength is left to be spoken about

If the strength and support overshadow the pain

The representation can be about the truth

Rather than blaming and stigmas

Thousand sparks of rebellion

The sparks of rebellion are mediocre for the stale eyes

but start flashing the light once the flame gets bright

the oppressing, dull tyranny will try to put out the flame

but it will have surpassed and spread to miles

flames are strong and impossible to put off

revolution will be inevitable

Even if someone closes the pot too tight

the pressure finds its way out

either from gaps or throwing out the lid

or breaking the pot altogether

this vapor is strong and impossible to be oppressed

and revolution will be inevitable

Thousand years of oppression ,

thousand years of grief

will give rise to thousand sparks of rebellion

It can revolutionize humanity

Because strangled ideas have to escape the tyranny

and revolution will  be inevitable

It's not only you

      The world is a place that is crowded with people, animals, struggles, stories, inspiration, emotions, energy and love. It is also filled with hate, jealousy, curses, depression, stress and other things. Even the empty street which was considered vacant is full of dreams and solitude. We often step out in a crowd in a bad mood. But, hey! there are hundreds of other people who may have same or higher level of stress troubling them. Someone may have lost his/her friend or family member. Someone else may have been caught for a crime he/she hasn't committed.

     Someone out there is impaired forever and can't stand again. Someone is depressed and wants to end his/her life. Someone just lost his/her eye. While we were grumbling about not so delicious food, someone just died due to hunger.

     Well, we have been taught to aim high and achieve huge dreams. But we stopped thanking our fate for the things we have. Everyone has a special and inspiring story. Even the street beggar can tell you his life story which will give you goosebumps. Even a housefly has a tale.

     This makes everybody legendary in some or the other way. So, next time you feel blues around your heart and think that your world has ended, think of the millions of people around the world who faced the same emotion and survived it heftily. Think of those who survived emotive and physical battles and transcended the odds without whining. It is not always about the fate that has in store for us. We are never alone. Someone out there is facing exactly the same emotion as you at the same time. Nevertheless, your battle is not only yours, it includes millions of other people you never knew about

When I'd spent it for me for the last.

My rusted duct and somnolent eye

Met a stature which wasn't so fresh

Lost and fragile having dry lips

It had no cover for the feet

It had no cover for its weeps

It holds my arm with scanty grip

Yet so vulnerable to writhe

The innocent face with weary eyes

Wore tons of kindness without any lies

It stared at me with those drowsy eyes

But I still hesitated facing it a while

Still I couldn't recognize the stature

Myriad guesses, yet not so sure

Thought of people who were my friends?

Thought of relatives, love, yet no end!

Couldn't identify those drowsy eyes

I suspected my smart and witty mind

With list of names whirling inside,

Suddenly I felt like I left a name behind

The pieces began falling into places

Like the crosswords gleaming with keys

I got the hold on my own hand,

It kept shivering throughout

I scrolled my sight to the stature’s eyes,

And faced it strong though with fright.

The painful strokes hit me hard,

writhing with pain, ripped apart.

I searched in the time flying by in the past

When I’d spent it for me for the last

No answers, ignored myself

Not enough dauntless to face myself

I hit the ground hard wondering,

What all mirror had taught me forlornly.

Worth the battle, till the victory.

Protracted rides with massive heights,

Were at odds throughout my flight

And they tried to pull me down then,

Fought with me and gave me pains.

I kept flying with the greatest might,

Dreams were high and bright was sight

Dreamed of clouds that gave the rains,

Along the will, which was too fain.

Fury rides and massive heights weren't fragile though,

They hit me hard, left me wretched all of which got me low.

It didn't affect my pace then, so I endured flying high

 But the foe got livid and was teed off in the eye

The foe hit me again and it banged me to and fro,

With grudge on his face and the posture which was raged so

It was excruciating, it left me feeble, had nothing left to apply.

I still had hopes though; I knew it was nothing more than a lie.

I was injured with nerves aching,

with world around, my mind shaking.

Then I realized who the foe was,

It hadn't lamented for my destructive loss

It was me who vacillated to it assuming,

I was weak and it can be no good struggling

I stood again and hit the foe, with a high toss

Now it regretted and knew who the boss was!

I learned that,

 I could be strong despite my disability

If I’m strong, I can overcome people’s malignity

Blindness can’t blindfold me ever

Deafness can still be in my favor

Amputee though I am, it’s never a complexity

I can stand and fight the world with absolute serenity

End of the world?

     Last night, I was waken up by a rueful dream. The dream left me shaken. I couldn't recollect each detail of the dream but the outline of the dream was clear in my mind.        
      I was disturbed throughout the day. Lectures were neglected along with the other routine that went by. I was within myself, lost and dumbfounded. Friends couldn't make out my situation even after great attempts to make me smile. All I had on my face was perplexity with bewildered expressions.
        After sometime, perplexity on my face faded away, with me retaining my normal features back. I elucidated the incident to my friends. 
        "The world has become a fireball emitting tremendous heat in the space. The excess of heat energy of earth is being given out faster than the rate of the sun" I told recalling it in my mind.
   The pictures of the earth bursting from its core were sliding through my retina at a rapid rate.
     "This all began before many years. The trees were cut down, the wild was killed, the innocent were terrified and the atmosphere didn't yield" "There was heat in the air, acid in the rains, cruelty among people and insolence for this world. The world had become selfish, greedy and materialistic. Polar ice was melting at a rapid pace with extinction of polar animals. 
      As time passed by, there was only one animal left, 'pollution'. Man died with the death of humanity. Death took over this cruel man. He ruined the green earth leaving behind ashes of rue and sorrows. The earth had to end someday. The remains of cruelty were omens of this end of the world" 
     I had tear in my eye by now as I ended my sentence. My friends looked at me in disbelief but trying to soothe me. There was a moment of silence between us. 
       Suddenly, I saw towards the bedroom window. The sky was dark by now. But there was no sign of tree. The concrete jungle was full of buildings and cement structures. The greenery was a hidden thing between the long extended concrete lands. It was the moment when I related the reality with my dream. That was more of a nightmare trying to intimidate me. 
     "The conditions before the end of the world were alike those which are today. Only the difference was the extent of horror in the dream" I thought to myself. 
     The dream woke me up from the deep sleep I was in with hopes of tomorrow which I thought would be brighter. Everyday we hope of our serendipity and good fortune to be kind on us. We expect miracles when we contribute none to this nature. We expect rain even though we know that there are no huge mountains to stop the black clouds. We expect great things without any contribution to the fortune of this nature. 
      There won't be the end of this world if the destruction of nature is stopped at first place. Humanity can be the boon to nature. Let us care of our fellow beings and this nature more than we care for ourselves. No doubt, the world can be a better place to live.