Posts

Sunday, April 30, 2017

I saw a girl

The girl I am following is right there
I believe I have a crush on her
She is there hard to love 
Smiles with a curl and a twirl on her inside 
Hair like a desert 
Too coarse on the outside and barren on the inside
I look into her eyes and see a poem
Promising but hiding under her eyes
Her eyes are shouting
But I see fire
Burning up
It is about to blow someone up
It is going to let her blow herself
This is hard
This is difficult 
I ask her what is her favorite book
She turns around and starts walking
She is a story made of thrillers and disaster
She is a book full of disasters
I follow her to the elevator and see her put her foot in
She takes a step back
This is a wind flowing from her face like the Sahara desert which taking the precious ashes away from her soul
Which the fire left
The logs of wood are trying to get out
The eyes are still white 
I see fire
I do not know where it comes from
I see music 
Never had I seen it before
I see the rhythm 

I take a step forward not knowing where I am headed
I try to touch her she disappears
I see ashes 
I feel the ashes
I look at myself in the mirror in the elevator,
I see fire
I am the fire
I see her rising inside me like the flames turning bright with every flicker in their body
I see her I see her strong and bright like she is unafraid of life
And someone I wanted to be
But she was in me all along

Insecurities

Part 1: To my insecurities

It is painful how sensitive you are
You tremble under the slightest disturbance
Like a mimosa plant hiding itself from the hurt
For some guy who could pull just the right book
So that the book shelf could fall apart

It is tiring and exhausting
Trying to clean away your tears
Your mess every time you cry
Running behind you getting you
Inside the shed again
I am tired
It is embarrassing how offended you are
By everything that doesn’t exist

Like that one time you decided to break down
When you a saw a skinny supermodel
Or the time you heard the word rape
And you panicked
Like you are in the middle of the ocean
And a wave was going to eat you in?

It is tiring
How many times I have to run behind you
In the middle of the night
In a forest with you on fire
About to take the whole forest down
Like the strongest flame in the world
Trying to get larger with every breath

Part 2: My insecurities talking out loud

My memories
As bright as oil pastels
Vivid but put together
But still as pictures
I point to the edge of my shirt
Stained with yesterday
Darker than the others
Crawling through my mind
Drop by drop
Deep inside the quicksand

Hold my hand I am drowning in
It is difficult to get out 
Of this thought 
I am freaking out
I am pulling myself
Inside the ground
I cannot move my toe

Some day I will wither away with the drifting sand on the beach
And it will be unheard among the breeze and water too loud
And indifferent to my whines
You put me down just by triggering me
You don’t even have to say the sentence
Just say the first word and I am gone
With the fire that was burning bright and lost in the flames
Which are indifferent to my plights
You are so indifferent to my world
I stay here being taken as a joke
I try so hard to not be offended by you
But this is hard and stabs me in the places
So wrong, I feel I deserve them


Part 3: To someone who took my insecurities as a joke

My steps kicked the dust out of my way when I was walking with you
Thought I could suppress my eyes if I fooled myself
I would imagine getting the stars to the ground with you around
But my insides could not stop crying anymore

I wanted my insides to stay in the deepest of the insides of my soul
Wrapped together in a blanket of my grief
Stitched with a scar
I tried holding my breath as the stitch wasn't just right and it wanted to break off
But a burst of fire followed by darkness
Led me in the solitude I always needed
I saw My face which a scar hid inside the layers of my insecurities
 and you will never see the stitches
I am tired of trying to look over everything
Trying to assume, you still like me
Hurt is just a form of love anyway

I have been burning my tongue all this while 
So that you can notice me
But you always denied the existence of my tongue
You never saw beyond the sugarcoat all over my body

But I won't let my tongue burn anymore
With your lighter
I am here for the thoughts mightier
Than the judgments
And my gut stronger than just an offense

Monday, April 3, 2017

When a woman will roar



The moment you see light at the end of tunnel
And must walk all by yourself
When you don’t have a hand to hold
You will lead yourself to the rainbow of gold
and thousand shades of glitter you have never seen before
Do not be scared to walk alone

While you were growing up,
You might have heard
'Women are bad with directions',
'Girls cannot drive',
or 'Girls are bad leaders'
People will tell you
'Being alone is difficult',
'You need someone'
Let them talk

The moment you see yourself in the mirror
And see thoughts and beads of confidence
Rolling down your arm and you try to catch them
and you will lose track or
When you hear your own voice and
Hear the strength holding down
Years of struggle and tears
and lights.
You will hear a roar

The roar is loud enough for the people to hear
When you will open your mouth to speak
Inside the the dark tunnel,
People might not notice you
But you will be heard
Your voice will echo through the millions
Of pores in the walls
And will wake up the sleeping beings and fairies
Your roar will be heard

With every step, you take,
The air particles will vibrate
Shaking the ones next to them
Talking to the wind while whispering
a rumor the world hasn’t heard in a while

Your steps will be stronger than
Stereotypes, metaphors, and body types
You will realize, you are more than
Society, rules, and limitations

When you will call for yourself,
You will hear back from million galaxies
And discover the unexplored parts of you
Do not be afraid to scream
When you will walk down the aisle
And realize your own hand
Can be trusted more than others
You will revive
You will roar and shake the world

The only time you will realize how powerful you are
Is when you are by yourself
You are stronger
than concrete and glue
Do not be scared to be alone
You were never a space to be filled
Nor a piece to someone’s incomplete puzzle
You are a voice who can shake
The core of the earth
Your roar will be heard