Insecurities

Part 1: To my insecurities

It is painful how sensitive you are

You tremble under the slightest disturbance

Like a mimosa plant hiding itself from the hurt

For some guy who could pull just the right book

So that the book shelf could fall apart

It is tiring and exhausting

Trying to clean away your tears

Your mess every time you cry

Running behind you getting you

Inside the shed again

I am tired

It is embarrassing how offended you are

By everything that doesn’t exist

Like that one time you decided to break down

When you a saw a skinny supermodel

Or the time you heard the word rape

And you panicked

Like you are in the middle of the ocean

And a wave was going to eat you in?

It is tiring

How many times I have to run behind you

In the middle of the night

In a forest with you on fire

About to take the whole forest down

Like the strongest flame in the world

Trying to get larger with every breath

Part 2: My insecurities talking out loud

My memories

As bright as oil pastels

Vivid but put together

But still as pictures

I point to the edge of my shirt

Stained with yesterday

Darker than the others

Crawling through my mind

Drop by drop

Deep inside the quicksand

Hold my hand I am drowning in

It is difficult to get out 

Of this thought 

I am freaking out

I am pulling myself

Inside the ground

I cannot move my toe

Some day I will wither away with the drifting sand on the beach

And it will be unheard among the breeze and water too loud

And indifferent to my whines

You put me down just by triggering me

You don’t even have to say the sentence

Just say the first word and I am gone

With the fire that was burning bright and lost in the flames

Which are indifferent to my plights

You are so indifferent to my world

I stay here being taken as a joke

I try so hard to not be offended by you

But this is hard and stabs me in the places

So wrong, I feel I deserve them

Part 3: To someone who took my insecurities as a joke

My steps kicked the dust out of my way when I was walking with you

Thought I could suppress my eyes if I fooled myself

I would imagine getting the stars to the ground with you around

But my insides could not stop crying anymore

I wanted my insides to stay in the deepest of the insides of my soul

Wrapped together in a blanket of my grief

Stitched with a scar

I tried holding my breath as the stitch wasn't just right and it wanted to break off

But a burst of fire followed by darkness

Led me in the solitude I always needed

I saw My face which a scar hid inside the layers of my insecurities

 and you will never see the stitches

I am tired of trying to look over everything

Trying to assume, you still like me

Hurt is just a form of love anyway

I have been burning my tongue all this while 

So that you can notice me

But you always denied the existence of my tongue

You never saw beyond the sugarcoat all over my body

But I won't let my tongue burn anymore

With your lighter

I am here for the thoughts mightier

Than the judgments

And my gut stronger than just an offense